"The friendship of a gentleman is as plain as water." Many people are familiar with this sentence, but some misunderstand its true meaning. The term "gentleman" originally appeared in ancient Chinese classics, initially referring to the son of a ruler. Later, the term "gentleman" took on a moral connotation, signifying a person with good moral character.
It refers to a person with noble character, good moral qualities, and is also a respectful title for others.
Many people believe that the meaning of the phrase "The friendship of a gentleman is as plain as water" suggests that the relationship between gentlemen should be plain and not too intimate, but this is actually a misleading interpretation.
During the Three Kingdoms period, the relationship between Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei was often described as close, with historical records stating that they were as close as brothers, sharing the same bed. However, they indeed exemplified the true meaning of the phrase "The friendship of a gentleman is as plain as water." For example, they stuck together through many hardships in their early years, and Guan Yu's solo ride of a thousand miles.
So, what is the true meaning of "The friendship of a gentleman is as plain as water"?
Xue Rengui was a famous general during the Tang Dynasty. Although he was the 6th generation grandson of Xue Andu, the Prince of Hedong in the Northern Wei Dynasty, his family had fallen into poverty by the time he was born, and his childhood was very difficult.
After losing his father at a young age, Xue Rengui, who had extraordinary strength and trained hard in martial arts, became highly skilled. But because he came from a poor family, he never received recognition from others.
When Xue Rengui grew up and got married, the burden on his family became even heavier. They struggled to make a living, and the harvest from their farming efforts barely provided enough to eat. As a result, Xue Rengui moved into a cave to live.
Xue Rengui had a fellow townsman named Wang Maosheng. They had a close friendship since childhood, and whenever Wang Maosheng saw Xue Rengui suffering from hunger and cold, he would readily give him the remaining food from his own home, even though his own family often struggled to make ends meet.
Later, Xue Rengui became successful and became a grand general. Many people came to his house to congratulate him, but only one gift received his attention: two jars of wine sent by his hometown friend Wang Maosheng.
Xue Rengui immediately had his servant open the wine jars, only to find that they contained plain water. The servants were alarmed, but Xue Rengui grabbed a large bowl and drank three big bowls of water.
When everyone was puzzled, Xue Rengui, with a slightly teary eyes, said, "When I was down and out in the past, I relied on the help of my friend Wang Maosheng. Now that I don't drink fine wine or accept lavish gifts, I insist on accepting these two jars of water from my friend Wang. This is because I know that Wang, in his poverty, sent water as a heartfelt gesture. This is what 'The friendship of a gentleman is as plain as water' means."
The crowd praised the friendship between Xue Rengui and Wang Maosheng, and the saying "The friendship of a gentleman is as plain as water" began to spread!
Therefore, the true meaning of "The friendship of a gentleman is as plain as water" is not that the feelings between gentlemen are plain like water, but that their friendship is pure and free from any ulterior motives. It is not influenced by someone's prosperity or abandonment in difficult times.
Just like Guan Yu's solo ride, wealth cannot change his heart, and titles cannot alter his determination. Even in the face of life and death, he would not be deterred from seeking Liu Bei, who was a fugitive. This is the true embodiment of "The friendship of a gentleman is as plain as water".
"The friendship of a gentleman is as plain as water" comes from the book "Zhuangzi". The next sentence is even more famous: "The friendship of a gentleman is as plain as water, while the friendship of common people is as sweet as honey."
The friendship between gentlemen is not driven by interests. Many people realize when they become rich and successful that they have many friends around them. However, once they encounter difficulties, they discover that their network of friendships is not as strong as they imagined.
On the other hand, the friendship between common people is often built on mutual interests. Once those interests are no longer served, the relationships quickly fade away. People like this are often described as honey-like sweet friends.
In summary, "The friendship of a gentleman is as plain as water" does not mean that the feelings between gentlemen are as plain as water. Instead, it signifies a pure friendship among gentlemen that is free of any ulterior motives. On the other hand, the friendships between common people are often based on mutual interests, and when those interests are no longer present, the relationships dissolve.